Comments on: Cover Letter: how can I reduce the number of words without cutting any more info?

By: ZsaZsa Galore

ZsaZsa Galore — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 09:47:59 +0000

I am currently employed as a Project Engineer in a Water Industry Consultancy. My position involves the constructing and testing of hydraulic models, updating geographic information systems, drawing schematics and developing timely analytical reports. Additionally, I have acquired strong CAD skills and have proficiency using both Solid Edge and SolidWorks, as well as experience performing FEA thermal simulations.

I graduated from the University of Glasgow, in the second division, with a BEng Hons in Mechanical Engineering. I have designed and commissioned tooling parts for the manufacture of Self Reinforcing Polymer composites. Also, working as a member of a team, I developed and designed an electric tricycle for paraplegic individuals.

My key strengths include creativity, troubleshooting skills, quick problem solving ability and the adaptability to work with or lead a team through to project completion.

________________________________

****I think this has a good "hook" and will definitely get them interested. I cut the third paragraph…didn’t think the Chemistry degree/pharm career info was pertinent for the average engineering position. What you had was great…I just switched it around a bit. Hope this helps. Hey, I’d hire you! lol

@ Monkfish
I fink you’re a sweetheart, fanks you made my day. *blushes*
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By: Monkfish

Monkfish — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 09:13:59 +0000

I interviewed school leavers for a manual gardening job last year & asked them how important they felt it was to be well thought of after they were dead, you could see the colour draining from their faces, heh heh heh. It looks alright to me but I'll star it & hopefully Zsa Zsa will spot it & help ( I fink I lurve her )
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By: Roderick B

Roderick B — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 08:23:59 +0000

Leave it as is, establishing credentials is too important to muck up with an excess of brevity. Don't forget to mention, briefly, what draws you to the company (not counting the employment package)
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By: Rohan

Rohan — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 08:13:59 +0000

I’d at least cut:
(lower second division)
(similar to SolidWorks)
(lower second division) as well as 324 UCAS points

Am a little confused about how you say in one part you have the BEng then the next a BSc would it be right to say you have both? in which case i’d personally say something like,
"Prior to the University of Glasgow worked as an analytical chemist in the pharmaceutical industry gaining a BSc Hons in Applied Chemistry"
or something like that just to make it more clear that you have both qualifications.
Don’t mention your UCAS points unless it mentions them as you have the degrees which more than speak for themselves and mentioning them sounds cheap.
Also it’s your cover letter so if they want to know more about solidedge i’m sure they’d ask you if interested or they could google it, my guess is if they haven’t heard about that they might not of heard about what you then mentioned.
Also why mention the lower second divison i’d leave it out and put it in your cv or mention it during the interview but that’s just me.
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By: Buddha

Buddha — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 07:52:59 +0000

I really can't see anything wrong with it except for your use of capital letters in water industry consultancy and self reinforcind polymer compsosites (which aren't required). I would also swap the second this in the first paragraph to 'It'.
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By: Robert D

Robert D — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 07:44:59 +0000

Your qualifications and previous jobs should have been stated in a list elsewhere. Drop those references. Just talk about your interests and strengths.
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