Cover Letter: how can I reduce the number of words without cutting any more info?

February 17th, 2010 | by admin |

I want to try and keep most of the actual info and I also want to try and keep a few of the positive adjectives/verbs. So how can I cut the word count a little without losing the positive "spin"???

Is it positive enough?!?!

text:

"I am currently employed as a Project Engineer in a Water Industry Consultancy. This involves constructing and testing hydraulic models for UK water companies. This requires attention to detail as well as analytical and problem solving skills. Other duties include: updating geographic information systems, drawing schematics and assisting in the preparation of reports.

I graduated from the University of Glasgow with a BEng Hons in Mechanical Design Engineering (lower second division). I designed and commissioned tooling parts for the manufacture of Self Reinforcing Polymer composites. In addition, I worked in a team designing an electric tricycle for paraplegic individuals. I have developed strong CAD skills using Solid Edge (similar to SolidWorks) and have experience performing FEA thermal simulations.

Prior to the University of Glasgow I worked as an analytical chemist in the pharmaceutical industry. I have experience of the operation, calibration, repair and maintenance of laboratory equipment, as well as maintaining accurate records. I have a BSc Hons in Applied Chemistry (lower second division) as well as 324 UCAS points."
Rohan: yes I’ve got both.

I just want to "hook" them so that they might actually read the CV in the first place!

I am currently employed as a Project Engineer in a Water Industry Consultancy. My position involves the constructing and testing of hydraulic models, updating geographic information systems, drawing schematics and developing timely analytical reports. Additionally, I have acquired strong CAD skills and have proficiency using both Solid Edge and SolidWorks, as well as experience performing FEA thermal simulations.

I graduated from the University of Glasgow, in the second division, with a BEng Hons in Mechanical Engineering. I have designed and commissioned tooling parts for the manufacture of Self Reinforcing Polymer composites. Also, working as a member of a team, I developed and designed an electric tricycle for paraplegic individuals.

My key strengths include creativity, troubleshooting skills, quick problem solving ability and the adaptability to work with or lead a team through to project completion.

________________________________

****I think this has a good "hook" and will definitely get them interested. I cut the third paragraph…didn’t think the Chemistry degree/pharm career info was pertinent for the average engineering position. What you had was great…I just switched it around a bit. Hope this helps. Hey, I’d hire you! lol

@ Monkfish
I fink you’re a sweetheart, fanks you made my day. *blushes*

  1. 6 Responses to “Cover Letter: how can I reduce the number of words without cutting any more info?”

  2. By Robert D on Feb 18, 2010 | Reply

    Your qualifications and previous jobs should have been stated in a list elsewhere. Drop those references. Just talk about your interests and strengths.
    References :

  3. By Buddha on Feb 18, 2010 | Reply

    I really can’t see anything wrong with it except for your use of capital letters in water industry consultancy and self reinforcind polymer compsosites (which aren’t required). I would also swap the second this in the first paragraph to ‘It’.
    References :

  4. By Rohan on Feb 18, 2010 | Reply

    I’d at least cut:
    (lower second division)
    (similar to SolidWorks)
    (lower second division) as well as 324 UCAS points

    Am a little confused about how you say in one part you have the BEng then the next a BSc would it be right to say you have both? in which case i’d personally say something like,
    "Prior to the University of Glasgow worked as an analytical chemist in the pharmaceutical industry gaining a BSc Hons in Applied Chemistry"
    or something like that just to make it more clear that you have both qualifications.
    Don’t mention your UCAS points unless it mentions them as you have the degrees which more than speak for themselves and mentioning them sounds cheap.
    Also it’s your cover letter so if they want to know more about solidedge i’m sure they’d ask you if interested or they could google it, my guess is if they haven’t heard about that they might not of heard about what you then mentioned.
    Also why mention the lower second divison i’d leave it out and put it in your cv or mention it during the interview but that’s just me.
    References :

  5. By Roderick B on Feb 18, 2010 | Reply

    Leave it as is, establishing credentials is too important to muck up with an excess of brevity. Don’t forget to mention, briefly, what draws you to the company (not counting the employment package)
    References :

  6. By Monkfish on Feb 18, 2010 | Reply

    I interviewed school leavers for a manual gardening job last year & asked them how important they felt it was to be well thought of after they were dead, you could see the colour draining from their faces, heh heh heh. It looks alright to me but I’ll star it & hopefully Zsa Zsa will spot it & help ( I fink I lurve her )
    References :

  7. By ZsaZsa Galore on Feb 18, 2010 | Reply

    I am currently employed as a Project Engineer in a Water Industry Consultancy. My position involves the constructing and testing of hydraulic models, updating geographic information systems, drawing schematics and developing timely analytical reports. Additionally, I have acquired strong CAD skills and have proficiency using both Solid Edge and SolidWorks, as well as experience performing FEA thermal simulations.

    I graduated from the University of Glasgow, in the second division, with a BEng Hons in Mechanical Engineering. I have designed and commissioned tooling parts for the manufacture of Self Reinforcing Polymer composites. Also, working as a member of a team, I developed and designed an electric tricycle for paraplegic individuals.

    My key strengths include creativity, troubleshooting skills, quick problem solving ability and the adaptability to work with or lead a team through to project completion.

    ________________________________

    ****I think this has a good "hook" and will definitely get them interested. I cut the third paragraph…didn’t think the Chemistry degree/pharm career info was pertinent for the average engineering position. What you had was great…I just switched it around a bit. Hope this helps. Hey, I’d hire you! lol

    @ Monkfish
    I fink you’re a sweetheart, fanks you made my day. *blushes*
    References :

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